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When Power and Control Are Misused

Bullying comes in many forms. Asking for help can help stop the abuse.

Does it really matter why someone is bullied? Does one reason or another make it OK? Are you tolerant of these behaviors when you see them? Do you make excuses, rationalize, or do you minimize the actions of another? If you know someone is being bullied in the workplace, school or on a sports team, do you get involved to help? What if your child or best friend told you that he or she was being bullied, would you react differently?

Verbal abuse and bullying are a serious problem, affecting many people. This power and control mindset is usually demonstrated by someone in management, a supervisor, a coach, a teacher. This type of aggression is particularly difficult because abusers are using their power through threat and intimidation. Therefore victims lack power to successfully defend themselves.

Bullying even has a Wikipedia page, which defines it as: “A form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power.”

Direct forms of bullying include:

• Demeaning or criticizing in front of others.

• Belittling or name calling.

• Spreading rumors, gossiping or lying.

• Rudeness, finding fault with you publically.

• Ignoring your input, not listening to what you have to say.

• Undermining your work or skills, ignoring your views and opinions.

• Standing too close in a threatening manner.

• Disrespectful or constantly dressing you down.

• Personal attacks and painful messages.

• Finding fault in almost everything you do.

It is human nature to notice we are all different. We see and experience our world differently. And we have different customs, often depending on where we live. But no matter what customs we observe or where we live, it’s so important to treat all with respect, equality and without violence.

When bullying happens, it not only impacts the individual being targeted but also has rippling and devastating impacts on communities, schools, teams, homes, classrooms and our workplaces. Bullying can cause the victim to suffer anxiety, health and stress issues, including headaches and sleeplessness. Other symptoms include loss of appetite, inability to concentrate and panic attacks about going to work or school.

Are you being told what to do or how to act? Are you not allowed to have a certain opinion by your boss, coach, a parent or a classmate? Are you intimidated on your team, in the classroom, at work or in a relationship? Do you feel that there is nothing you can do and that no one cares so you continue to do what your boss, peer or coach tells you to do even when you know it is wrong? Do you believe if you tell someone about the situation, it will only get worse and you might get fired, kicked off the team, teased more or seriously hurt?

If your answer is yes to any of these questions, you are being bullied. First, it’s important to know, nothing you are doing or not doing gives another person the right to bully you – emotionally, verbally or physically. It is not OK under any circumstances, and unless you make it stop, it will continue.

Today, we urge you to seek someone who will listen and who can help. If not, if the bullying continues, you will do things that you otherwise wouldn’t do because someone is “using force or coercion to affect your actions and behaviors.”  Ultimately, you could be seriously hurt, hurt someone else, and/or take your own life because of the bullying. Also, if you are a witness to such actions, we encourage you to report them.

“When people show you who they are, believe them,” and, “When people tell you who they are believe them,” said author Maya Angelou. Just because someone acts a certain way, it doesn’t make it right or OK, even when it is your boss, coach or parent.

You are not responsible for others’ actions or behaviors, only your own – in any situation and at any age.

Jon Hall June 24, 2012 at 03:13 PM
I noticed you inadvertently forgot to include Police, Politicians (our so-called leaders), sports stars, rich celebrities, and media darlings in your list of those who bully others on a daily basis (some more frequently than that) in order to get their way Oh, and so there is no misunderstanding here I included the groups above based on the parameters you set forth above (repeated below): Direct forms of bullying include: • Demeaning or criticizing in front of others. • Belittling or name calling. • Spreading rumors, gossiping or lying. • Rudeness, finding fault with you publically. • Ignoring your input, not listening to what you have to say. • Undermining your work or skills, ignoring your views and opinions. • Standing too close in a threatening manner. • Disrespectful or constantly dressing you down. • Personal attacks and painful messages. • Finding fault in almost everything you do. One question --- does my making these comments constitute bullying ???
Mark June 25, 2012 at 12:39 AM
Jon Hall - right on. DMV, City planning, and the many minions of self employed tax paid employees, including teachers and school staff.
Michael Gerzen June 25, 2012 at 05:17 AM
The Recreation Center at Saturn & Coronado Blvd. is trying to set up an anti-bully show in August with a move for young children & their parents.
LT June 26, 2012 at 04:47 AM
quit being such a bully, you big bully!
LT June 26, 2012 at 04:55 AM
hmmm, so i guess every boss i've ever had was a bully since they didn't think i should get paid unless i actually showed up and did work that they deemed necessary. my parents were huge bullies, they used to make me eat lima beans when my own "personal view" was that ice cream was better for me. so if these people have no "right" to do this than clearly i have a lawsuit on my hands stemming from an infringement of my personal rights, correct? now if i could only find a lawyer to represent me... wait by the above definitions, i guess lawyers are some of the biggest bullies of them all. good grief!!

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